Spark
A spark, a twinkle, a instant flash of light. Heat bursting forth in an explosive manner, even in the smallest and tiniest of forms has the power to engulf whole ecosystems. The right conditions do need to occur in order for a spark to grow into a flame. Things have to be lined up just right.
In 2019, I heard about this black owned bookstore that opened up on Grand Avenue. I had graduated from the French Pastry School several months prior and was working at a small pastry shop. I didn’t really have a lot of language to describe what I was feeling new in my career, but I was in a headspace where although I was working as a pastry chef, there were parts of myself and my communication style, that just seemed so very subtly out of place. The first half of 2019 I wasn’t yet in a space where I was speaking what I felt from my chest yet, its 2024 and I’m still getting the hang of that. So who I was then isn’t who I am now, much learning and growing has come since, but at that time, I just knew very deeply I needed to feel connection in a way where I didn’t have to clumsily explain myself to be seen. Over and over again in the space I was working, I was reminded how I needed to conform a little bit more to be embraced. None of this was intentional, but definitely a reflection of the larger social & cultural structures that have to intentionally be dismantled. It can be very difficult to pin point the small but continual affects of structural racism especially if the environment doesn’t support reflection. It is the ways one notices their otherness, and is constantly working to fit into a space that limits the capacity of their humanity because the fullness of their humanity just doesn’t fit. Its also a feeling that I’ve experienced at different intensities a majority of my life.
Being and existing in a majority culture can be exhausting and so on that sunny afternoon it was like everything subtle was leading me to a place, a space where knowledge, education, enlightenment could happen. Where the smell of books right off the press, subtle whiffs of paint, but mostly it was that invisible magnetism of radiating energy of a welcome belonging and joy. Oh it is an amazing feeling you experience when stepping over that threshold and into a space that was created with you at its center. Whew baby, it was like coming home. I never knew I was missing that feeling until the moment I walked through the door. That bookstore has grown and evolved in so many ways. It is mission oriented in the most powerful of ways and anyone, I mean anyone who is touched that space only becomes better because of it. It was within those walls, at those original tables, beneath that unforgettable mural, in the presence of a Goddess on earth, that Cookies & Conversations went from idea to actual concept. That was the spark. It was nestled in the coziness of those walls that the flame was fed and the idea has grown.
Being transparent, Cookies & Conversations in its present form, has been facing a lot of challenges, challenges that I have no idea how to navigate. Challenges that can and do absolutely overwhelm me. This idea is constantly evolving. The realization though that this idea, 4 years later with so many transformations isn’t done yet. That flame feels like it is barely a flicker but it still burning. Although at times it feels like there is nothing left to burn, like the flame would be extinguished forever. But don’t you know that all it takes is a spark, a light, a moment of the right conditions that that tiny little burst of energy can reignite and become something greater than ever imagined. For now ideas are being formed, rest is being had, and stillness ready, reflection and small consistent steps are being taken ready for the next spark. Once again it’ll be time to rise from the ashes… a phoenix to be reborn. All it takes is a spark.
